Get all 10 Mitch Friedman releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of à la, All Abroad EP, BREAKING MUSE, SING SING, Game Show Teeth, Purple Burt, WHAT THE?, Fred, and 2 more.
1. |
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Who May I Say Is Calling?
You're funny, you're dour
You're sweet and you're sour
You're grungy, you're stunning
You're stoic, you're punning
You're honest, corrupt
Relaxed yet abrupt
You're giggling, you're bawling
Who may I say is calling?
You're winsome, you're crabby
You're quiet yet gabby
You're supple, you're brittle
Sure yet noncommittal
You're secure, you're needy
You're veggie, you're meaty
You're minute, you're sprawling
Who may I say is calling?
You're someone, no one
and everyone at once
You're one of the Funts,
and I am your dunce
You're bubbly, you're bleak
Stubbly but chic
You're trusty, you're shifty
You're wasteful yet thrifty
You're wingnut, you're lib
You're blatant but glib
You're prompt yet you're stalling
Who may I say is calling?
You're subtle, you're pointed
Stiff yet double-jointed
Convenient but distant
Erratic, consistent
You're morose, you're chipper
You're devout, you're stripper
Outstanding, appalling
Who may I say is calling?
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2. |
Center of Attention
03:08
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Center of Attention
Look, don't look at me
Don't ask me to chime in
I'm more comfortable to grin
I can have some fun
with a one-on-one
Any more and my nerves win
I'm a private extrovert
who can come across as curt
But there's no disdain
It's just social pain
and I'm quiet when I'm hurt
Center of attention
is a spot I should not be
Center of attention
I prefer periphery
I'm giving notice on being noticed
so pay no mind to me
With a personality
that prefers you leave me be
The pressure to
entertain you
out loud might make me flee
My resting state is shy
which is not to imply
that I won't perk up
if a girl says yup
After all, I am a guy
Center of attention
is not where I reside
Center of attention
I'd rather run and hide
I'm gonna protest being hostess
so let my presence slide
Shower my work with kudos
Who I am is what I do
Modesty is just a pseudo-
nym for needing to be mute
Center of attention
is a tense scenario
Center of attention
Where did my Xanax go?
Make me the focus and hocus pocus,
I'm Marcel Marceau
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3. |
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What Goes Around Comes Around
When I was a little kid
I could not tell right from wrong
Never questioned what I did
Even brought my friends along
What goes around comes around
As a teen things headed south
Like a fool I fought the law
Got kicked from school for my mouth
They're gonna learn that this is war
What goes around comes around
I will take what's rightly mine
even if you think it's yours
To be denied would be a crime
I play the game to settle scores
What goes around comes around
I am bad at being good
I am good at being bad
If you think I can be tamed
you had better think again
You're the one that will be blamed
when we reach the bitter end
What goes around comes around
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4. |
It Won't Be Long Now
03:55
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It Won't Be Long Now
I was born with primo genes
which make my bottom and top clean
What goes up must come down
but only one end wears a frown
Hair today and gone tomorrow
I'll keep giving you some skin
Heading for happiness, not sorrow
Bald is how we all begin
So shield your eyes while I take a bow
It won't be long now
Telly, Mr. Clean, and Yul
used their shiny, skin-smooth tool
to coax the women through their doors
for hot romance and cleaner floors
The gentle egg sits there in the shade
It had no problem getting laid
Look at Gandhi and Sinead
The masses say they got it made
and neither of them had a cow
It won't be long now
Minoxidil is nearly nil
Rugs and weaves are worser still
Transplants you can just forget,
my skull is not some Chia Pet
No need to spray, cut, style or primp
No colorings or permanents
Throw brushes, combs, and driers out
A lesser man would sit and pout
We'd all be better off this way
All people white, black, yellow or gray
would be more similar today
So shave it off now, don't delay!
Barbers are barbarians,
cutting off looks right to them
Some surgery they used to do
so count your ears,
there should be two
There's plenty more in other places
Some is pubic, some is public
The stuff that grows out of my face is
such a nag I keep it stubbly
So comb it back from your brow
It won't be long now
Even Buddha got you ta’ vow and kowtow
It won't be long now
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5. |
When Your Number's Up
02:31
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When Your Number's Up
When your number's up
You jump on the dance floor, ready to rock
When your number's up
The lottery jackpot check is on the way
When your number's up
You know just who to keep pandering to
When your number's up
Shake the thermometer, then climb back in bed
When your number's up
There's no need to have a hit show as your lead-in
When your number's up
Sold! To the man with the turquoise necktie
When your number's up
Advance three spaces and roll again
When your number's up
"Ralph from Brooklyn, you're on the air"
When your number's up
The proud new papa presses his face against the glass
When your number's up
You start to think maybe Dr. Oz is on to something
When your number's up
All that studying doesn't seem like such a bummer
When your number's up
Put down the Snapchat, the dentist will see you now
When your number's up
The maitre d’ will show you to your table
When your number's up
Blow out all those candles on your cake
When your number's up
The dealer slides a pile of chips in your direction
When your number's up
Go get that cheesecake you've had your eyes on
When your number's up
NASDAQ is the sweetest sound you've ever heard
When your number's up
You're dead
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6. |
You Get By
03:30
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You Get By
You're the greatest at everything you do
and even a few you don't
I'm determined to be a big success
though the clock hints I won't
Each giant step I trip on
becomes a bigger crutch
But you, not so much
It's abundantly clear I'm inferior
in every single way
You take a giant bite of life
and I have tooth decay
The way I fumble blindly
means I've lost the touch
But you, not so much
You get by so calm, cool and collected
You get by without breaking a sweat
You rely on confidence and ego
You play a soaring solo while I just sit and fret
I've got the skills, I've got the smarts, I've got the experience
but the temper in my temperament knocks down every fighting chance
What's the secret to your method of living uncompromised?
Is it that you hardly care at all
while my concern is super-sized?
If it sounds like I'm supremely jealous,
it's because I am
I know the trait is unbecoming
but I don't give a damn
I won't let up until I've got the answer in my clutch
But you, not so much
You get by and don't ruffle a feather
You get by without even a nudge
You defy every prediction
You skate through life so gracefully and I get stuck in sludge
Well guess what?
You'll get by but I'll be right behind you
You'll get by while I ride your wake
You can try to draw a distinction
but from now on I'm gonna be a shadow you can't shake
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7. |
Nothing But a Soul
03:11
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Nothing But a Soul
Pardon me, a part of me is reaching for release
The entire mass of me is asking for decrease
My left thumb said "See ya', chum" and hit the road in hitchhike mode
The rest of my fingers chose not to linger and took a turn at being a fern
Five pints of blood said "Later, bud!" then fortified and oxidized some facial mud
A ribcage and a couple of bones headed for the jungle as a xylophone
One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul
My brain went insane from the strain of pain and took a plunge as a car wash sponge
Twenty-seven hairs that made up a curl flocked to the locks of a newborn girl
Several organs and a gland got a job as a billboard ampersand
An elbow turned to macaroni
My ponytail just joined a pony
One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul
When you pin a reincarnation on the lapel of a flesh tuxedo,
what is left feels overdressed,
and "Let's split" becomes its common credo
Beauty marks, freckles, and some warts became the imperfections in a piece of quartz
Some cartilage and a ligament replaced the guard wires in an army tent
Testes and their penis bestie made a foray to play croquet
The eyelids said "This is lame" and turned into the shells in a shell game
One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul
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8. |
What's On Your Plate
02:53
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What's On Your Plate
What's on your plate?
How full is your life?
Do you have a 5-course feast ahead
or an idle fork and knife?
If you hunger for some more
do all that you can to create
what's on your plate
What's on your plate?
What busies your brain?
Is it a delicate souffle
or a crushed-up candy cane?
Give your head and gut a break,
take some time to masticate
what's on your plate
Life is fleeting
so we gulp down food for thought
Slower eating
gives us all a chance to chew
on the things we need to do
Swallow all your pride so
in your throat it won't get caught
If you find your
eyes are bigger than your mouth
just decline to
pile extra helpings on
Leave some for the woebegone
Work can help divert
a sour mood from going south
What's on your plate?
How finished are you?
Is your goose already cooked
or could it use a year or two?
That bad taste on your tongue could mean
you didn't check the expiration date
of what's on your plate
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9. |
The Popcorn Tree
02:46
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The Popcorn Tree
Let's neck near a nook in the storybook of the popcorn tree
We'll nap near a knot, once a lookout spot to protect Club Glee
There’s a kernel of truth of a fountain of youth at the popcorn tree
So come lay on the ground with a crunching sound for infinity
The grass grows green to fluffy yellow
Can there be any greater sight or smello?
Popcorn tree
Me and thee
Popcorn tree
Ecstasy
What more can I do to butter you up?
The wee kernels grow and in spring finally show their presence
On the hottest day near the end of May they pop into pleasance
Let’s bunk near the trunk ‘til we’re sugar-drunk at the popcorn tree
We’ll laze on the maize in a happy haze-filled recipe
The grass grows green to fluffy yellow
Can there be any greater sight or smello?
Popcorn tree
Me and thee
Popcorn tree
Ecstasy
What more can I do to butter you up?
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10. |
A Million Feet Tall
03:55
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A Million Feet Tall
Look out, look out below
I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)
I'm trying to dance
but sneaking a glance
I don't domino most of the Great Wall
When doing a waltz
the air traffic halts
In fact I can't get down unless I crawl
I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)
I'm doing a jig
but I am so big
they can feel my moves in the next port of call
My two-step is wide
and a Cuban slide
would glide the whole length of America's Mall
Look out, look out below
You better watch my step
I got legs and I know how to use them
189.393939 miles high
Look out, look out below
I'm movin' on up
I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)
I never have leapt
and my one quickstep
is the equivalent of one trillion of y'all
I once did ballet
way back in the day
Every pirouette increased the urban sprawl
I could boogaloo
but if I were you,
jump on the next jet and head up to Nepal
If I did a tap
get all set to clap
A tsunami will precede my curtain call
I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)
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11. |
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Whatever Keeps You Honest
Religion doesn't work for me
I think it's a crock
Centuries of enemies
use it as their chopping block
It causes war and death and hate
all in the name of love and peace
So I applaud all those of faith
who do good and feel sweet release
Hey,
Whatever keeps you honest
Drinking doesn't float my boat
I just get tipsy
Thankfully it's not for me
or I might owe apologies
It leads to pain and liver damage
in the guise of partying
But some use it to loosen lips
when the tension's hardening
Hey,
Whatever keeps you honest
Life's a moral free-for-all
We pick sides on a hunch
It's a left-right flurry of contradictions
ending with a sucker punch
Chasing wealth just turns me off
It's an endless fight
The more your greed, the more you need
Gluttony's an ugly sight
Trading scruples for more rubles
earns a soul for squandering
Yet it is tragic, plus some magic
if they're caught money laundering
Hey,
Whatever keeps you honest
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12. |
Results
04:31
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Results
The horse on the run
in the desert sun
The comet did come
and burned everyone
The stars don't care
if the planets won
The blood in the vein
headed for the drain
It flows to the pain
with thanks to the brain
The scars don't care
when the bleeding comes
The road split the hill
near the oil spill
It broke all the will
of who foot the bill
The cars don't care
where the drilling's done
Some delay them
Some betray them
Some obey them
Praise results
Some decide them
Some deride them
Some abide them
They exult
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Mitch Friedman New York, New York
One-man band purveyor of quirky pop in a variety of styles, some made up.
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