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by Mitch Friedman

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Who May I Say Is Calling? You're funny, you're dour You're sweet and you're sour You're grungy, you're stunning You're stoic, you're punning You're honest, corrupt Relaxed yet abrupt You're giggling, you're bawling Who may I say is calling? You're winsome, you're crabby You're quiet yet gabby You're supple, you're brittle Sure yet noncommittal You're secure, you're needy You're veggie, you're meaty You're minute, you're sprawling Who may I say is calling? You're someone, no one and everyone at once You're one of the Funts, and I am your dunce You're bubbly, you're bleak Stubbly but chic You're trusty, you're shifty You're wasteful yet thrifty You're wingnut, you're lib You're blatant but glib You're prompt yet you're stalling Who may I say is calling? You're subtle, you're pointed Stiff yet double-jointed Convenient but distant Erratic, consistent You're morose, you're chipper You're devout, you're stripper Outstanding, appalling Who may I say is calling?
Center of Attention Look, don't look at me Don't ask me to chime in I'm more comfortable to grin I can have some fun with a one-on-one Any more and my nerves win I'm a private extrovert who can come across as curt But there's no disdain It's just social pain and I'm quiet when I'm hurt Center of attention is a spot I should not be Center of attention I prefer periphery I'm giving notice on being noticed so pay no mind to me With a personality that prefers you leave me be The pressure to entertain you out loud might make me flee My resting state is shy which is not to imply that I won't perk up if a girl says yup After all, I am a guy Center of attention is not where I reside Center of attention I'd rather run and hide I'm gonna protest being hostess so let my presence slide Shower my work with kudos Who I am is what I do Modesty is just a pseudo- nym for needing to be mute Center of attention is a tense scenario Center of attention Where did my Xanax go? Make me the focus and hocus pocus, I'm Marcel Marceau
What Goes Around Comes Around When I was a little kid I could not tell right from wrong Never questioned what I did Even brought my friends along What goes around comes around As a teen things headed south Like a fool I fought the law Got kicked from school for my mouth They're gonna learn that this is war What goes around comes around I will take what's rightly mine even if you think it's yours To be denied would be a crime I play the game to settle scores What goes around comes around I am bad at being good I am good at being bad If you think I can be tamed you had better think again You're the one that will be blamed when we reach the bitter end What goes around comes around
It Won't Be Long Now I was born with primo genes which make my bottom and top clean What goes up must come down but only one end wears a frown Hair today and gone tomorrow I'll keep giving you some skin Heading for happiness, not sorrow Bald is how we all begin So shield your eyes while I take a bow It won't be long now Telly, Mr. Clean, and Yul used their shiny, skin-smooth tool to coax the women through their doors for hot romance and cleaner floors The gentle egg sits there in the shade It had no problem getting laid Look at Gandhi and Sinead The masses say they got it made and neither of them had a cow It won't be long now Minoxidil is nearly nil Rugs and weaves are worser still Transplants you can just forget, my skull is not some Chia Pet No need to spray, cut, style or primp No colorings or permanents Throw brushes, combs, and driers out A lesser man would sit and pout We'd all be better off this way All people white, black, yellow or gray would be more similar today So shave it off now, don't delay! Barbers are barbarians, cutting off looks right to them Some surgery they used to do so count your ears, there should be two There's plenty more in other places Some is pubic, some is public The stuff that grows out of my face is such a nag I keep it stubbly So comb it back from your brow It won't be long now Even Buddha got you ta’ vow and kowtow It won't be long now
When Your Number's Up When your number's up You jump on the dance floor, ready to rock When your number's up The lottery jackpot check is on the way When your number's up You know just who to keep pandering to When your number's up Shake the thermometer, then climb back in bed When your number's up There's no need to have a hit show as your lead-in When your number's up Sold! To the man with the turquoise necktie When your number's up Advance three spaces and roll again When your number's up "Ralph from Brooklyn, you're on the air" When your number's up The proud new papa presses his face against the glass When your number's up You start to think maybe Dr. Oz is on to something When your number's up All that studying doesn't seem like such a bummer When your number's up Put down the Snapchat, the dentist will see you now When your number's up The maitre d’ will show you to your table When your number's up Blow out all those candles on your cake When your number's up The dealer slides a pile of chips in your direction When your number's up Go get that cheesecake you've had your eyes on When your number's up NASDAQ is the sweetest sound you've ever heard When your number's up You're dead
You Get By 03:30
You Get By You're the greatest at everything you do and even a few you don't I'm determined to be a big success though the clock hints I won't Each giant step I trip on becomes a bigger crutch But you, not so much It's abundantly clear I'm inferior in every single way You take a giant bite of life and I have tooth decay The way I fumble blindly means I've lost the touch But you, not so much You get by so calm, cool and collected You get by without breaking a sweat You rely on confidence and ego You play a soaring solo while I just sit and fret I've got the skills, I've got the smarts, I've got the experience but the temper in my temperament knocks down every fighting chance What's the secret to your method of living uncompromised? Is it that you hardly care at all while my concern is super-sized? If it sounds like I'm supremely jealous, it's because I am I know the trait is unbecoming but I don't give a damn I won't let up until I've got the answer in my clutch But you, not so much You get by and don't ruffle a feather You get by without even a nudge You defy every prediction You skate through life so gracefully and I get stuck in sludge Well guess what? You'll get by but I'll be right behind you You'll get by while I ride your wake You can try to draw a distinction but from now on I'm gonna be a shadow you can't shake
Nothing But a Soul Pardon me, a part of me is reaching for release The entire mass of me is asking for decrease My left thumb said "See ya', chum" and hit the road in hitchhike mode The rest of my fingers chose not to linger and took a turn at being a fern Five pints of blood said "Later, bud!" then fortified and oxidized some facial mud A ribcage and a couple of bones headed for the jungle as a xylophone One week ago I was a whole now I'm nothing but a soul My brain went insane from the strain of pain and took a plunge as a car wash sponge Twenty-seven hairs that made up a curl flocked to the locks of a newborn girl Several organs and a gland got a job as a billboard ampersand An elbow turned to macaroni My ponytail just joined a pony One week ago I was a whole now I'm nothing but a soul When you pin a reincarnation on the lapel of a flesh tuxedo, what is left feels overdressed, and "Let's split" becomes its common credo Beauty marks, freckles, and some warts became the imperfections in a piece of quartz Some cartilage and a ligament replaced the guard wires in an army tent Testes and their penis bestie made a foray to play croquet The eyelids said "This is lame" and turned into the shells in a shell game One week ago I was a whole now I'm nothing but a soul
What's On Your Plate What's on your plate? How full is your life? Do you have a 5-course feast ahead or an idle fork and knife? If you hunger for some more do all that you can to create what's on your plate What's on your plate? What busies your brain? Is it a delicate souffle or a crushed-up candy cane? Give your head and gut a break, take some time to masticate what's on your plate Life is fleeting so we gulp down food for thought Slower eating gives us all a chance to chew on the things we need to do Swallow all your pride so in your throat it won't get caught If you find your eyes are bigger than your mouth just decline to pile extra helpings on Leave some for the woebegone Work can help divert a sour mood from going south What's on your plate? How finished are you? Is your goose already cooked or could it use a year or two? That bad taste on your tongue could mean you didn't check the expiration date of what's on your plate
The Popcorn Tree Let's neck near a nook in the storybook of the popcorn tree We'll nap near a knot, once a lookout spot to protect Club Glee There’s a kernel of truth of a fountain of youth at the popcorn tree So come lay on the ground with a crunching sound for infinity The grass grows green to fluffy yellow Can there be any greater sight or smello? Popcorn tree Me and thee Popcorn tree Ecstasy What more can I do to butter you up? The wee kernels grow and in spring finally show their presence On the hottest day near the end of May they pop into pleasance Let’s bunk near the trunk ‘til we’re sugar-drunk at the popcorn tree We’ll laze on the maize in a happy haze-filled recipe The grass grows green to fluffy yellow Can there be any greater sight or smello? Popcorn tree Me and thee Popcorn tree Ecstasy What more can I do to butter you up?
A Million Feet Tall Look out, look out below I'm a million feet tall (He's a million feet tall) I'm trying to dance but sneaking a glance I don't domino most of the Great Wall When doing a waltz the air traffic halts In fact I can't get down unless I crawl I'm a million feet tall (He's a million feet tall) I'm doing a jig but I am so big they can feel my moves in the next port of call My two-step is wide and a Cuban slide would glide the whole length of America's Mall Look out, look out below You better watch my step I got legs and I know how to use them 189.393939 miles high Look out, look out below I'm movin' on up I'm a million feet tall (He's a million feet tall) I never have leapt and my one quickstep is the equivalent of one trillion of y'all I once did ballet way back in the day Every pirouette increased the urban sprawl I could boogaloo but if I were you, jump on the next jet and head up to Nepal If I did a tap get all set to clap A tsunami will precede my curtain call I'm a million feet tall (He's a million feet tall)
Whatever Keeps You Honest Religion doesn't work for me I think it's a crock Centuries of enemies use it as their chopping block It causes war and death and hate all in the name of love and peace So I applaud all those of faith who do good and feel sweet release Hey, Whatever keeps you honest Drinking doesn't float my boat I just get tipsy Thankfully it's not for me or I might owe apologies It leads to pain and liver damage in the guise of partying But some use it to loosen lips when the tension's hardening Hey, Whatever keeps you honest Life's a moral free-for-all We pick sides on a hunch It's a left-right flurry of contradictions ending with a sucker punch Chasing wealth just turns me off It's an endless fight The more your greed, the more you need Gluttony's an ugly sight Trading scruples for more rubles earns a soul for squandering Yet it is tragic, plus some magic if they're caught money laundering Hey, Whatever keeps you honest
Results 04:31
Results The horse on the run in the desert sun The comet did come and burned everyone The stars don't care if the planets won The blood in the vein headed for the drain It flows to the pain with thanks to the brain The scars don't care when the bleeding comes The road split the hill near the oil spill It broke all the will of who foot the bill The cars don't care where the drilling's done Some delay them Some betray them Some obey them Praise results Some decide them Some deride them Some abide them They exult


The sixth album of idiosyncratic, quirky pop/rock in a variety of styles, some brand new, by a one-man band from Brooklyn, NY

•••As reported exclusively by MFNBC, authorities received a series of cryptic tips from a mytchsterious entity identified variously as Purple Burnt, Hail Toupee, and Nichemusic 6.0, about a burst of suspicious musical activity emanating from the top floor of an unassuming brownstone in Brooklyn, New York. The activity commenced in November of 2016 and continued unabated until June of 2017. Through the Friedman of Information Act the recording has been obtained by chord order, illustrating the importance of an anonymous sauce.•••


released July 7, 2017

All songs written, performed, produced, and mixed by Mitch Friedman

Recorded November 2016 through June 2017, except for (5), recorded in 2003/2017

Graphic design by Syssy System

All rights reserved (c) 2017 Mitch Friedman


all rights reserved



Mitch Friedman New York, New York

One-man band purveyor of quirky pop in a variety of styles, some made up.

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