by Mitch Friedman

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The sixth album of idiosyncratic, quirky pop/rock in a variety of styles, some brand new, by a one-man band from Brooklyn, NY

•••As reported exclusively by MFNBC, authorities received a series of cryptic tips from a mytchsterious entity identified variously as Purple Burnt, Hail Toupee, and Nichemusic 6.0, about a burst of suspicious musical activity emanating from the top floor of an unassuming brownstone in Brooklyn, New York. The activity commenced in November of 2016 and continued unabated until June of 2017. Through the Friedman of Information Act the recording has been obtained by chord order, illustrating the importance of an anonymous sauce.•••


released July 7, 2017

All songs written, performed, produced, and mixed by Mitch Friedman

Recorded November 2016 through June 2017, except for (5), recorded in 2003/2017

Graphic design by Syssy System

All rights reserved (c) 2017 Mitch Friedman



all rights reserved


Mitch Friedman New York, New York

One-man band purveyor of quirky pop in a variety of styles, from Brooklyn, NY

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Track Name: Who May I Say Is Calling?
Who May I Say Is Calling?

You're funny, you're dour
You're sweet and you're sour
You're grungy, you're stunning
You're stoic, you're punning

You're honest, corrupt
Relaxed yet abrupt
You're giggling, you're bawling
Who may I say is calling?

You're winsome, you're crabby
You're quiet yet gabby
You're supple, you're brittle
Sure yet noncommittal

You're secure, you're needy
You're veggie, you're meaty
You're minute, you're sprawling
Who may I say is calling?

You're someone, no one
and everyone at once
You're one of the Funts,
and I am your dunce

You're bubbly, you're bleak
Stubbly but chic
You're trusty, you're shifty
You're wasteful yet thrifty

You're wingnut, you're lib
You're blatant but glib
You're prompt yet you're stalling
Who may I say is calling?

You're subtle, you're pointed
Stiff yet double-jointed
Convenient but distant
Erratic, consistent

You're morose, you're chipper
You're devout, you're stripper
Outstanding, appalling
Who may I say is calling?
Track Name: Center of Attention
Center of Attention

Look, don't look at me

Don't ask me to chime in
I'm more comfortable to grin
I can have some fun
with a one-on-one
Any more and my nerves win

I'm a private extrovert
who can come across as curt
But there's no disdain
It's just social pain
and I'm quiet when I'm hurt

Center of attention
is a spot I should not be
Center of attention
I prefer periphery
I'm giving notice on being noticed
so pay no mind to me

With a personality
that prefers you leave me be
The pressure to
entertain you
out loud might make me flee

My resting state is shy
which is not to imply
that I won't perk up
if a girl says yup
After all, I am a guy

Center of attention
is not where I reside
Center of attention
I'd rather run and hide
I'm gonna protest being hostess
so let my presence slide

Shower my work with kudos
Who I am is what I do
Modesty is just a pseudo-
nym for needing to be mute

Center of attention
is a tense scenario
Center of attention
Where did my Xanax go?
Make me the focus and hocus pocus,
I'm Marcel Marceau
Track Name: What Goes Around Comes Around
What Goes Around Comes Around

When I was a little kid
I could not tell right from wrong
Never questioned what I did
Even brought my friends along

What goes around comes around

As a teen things headed south
Like a fool I fought the law
Got kicked from school for my mouth
They're gonna learn that this is war

What goes around comes around

I will take what's rightly mine
even if you think it's yours
To be denied would be a crime
I play the game to settle scores

What goes around comes around

I am bad at being good
I am good at being bad

If you think I can be tamed
you had better think again
You're the one that will be blamed
when we reach the bitter end

What goes around comes around
Track Name: It Won't Be Long Now
It Won't Be Long Now

I was born with primo genes
which make my bottom and top clean
What goes up must come down
but only one end wears a frown

Hair today and gone tomorrow
I'll keep giving you some skin
Heading for happiness, not sorrow
Bald is how we all begin
So shield your eyes while I take a bow
It won't be long now

Telly, Mr. Clean, and Yul
used their shiny, skin-smooth tool
to coax the women through their doors
for hot romance and cleaner floors

The gentle egg sits there in the shade
It had no problem getting laid
Look at Gandhi and Sinead
The masses say they got it made
and neither of them had a cow
It won't be long now

Minoxidil is nearly nil
Rugs and weaves are worser still
Transplants you can just forget,
my skull is not some Chia Pet

No need to spray, cut, style or primp
No colorings or permanents
Throw brushes, combs, and driers out
A lesser man would sit and pout

We'd all be better off this way
All people white, black, yellow or gray
would be more similar today
So shave it off now, don't delay!

Barbers are barbarians,
cutting off looks right to them
Some surgery they used to do
so count your ears,
there should be two

There's plenty more in other places
Some is pubic, some is public
The stuff that grows out of my face is
such a nag I keep it stubbly

So comb it back from your brow
It won't be long now
Even Buddha got you ta’ vow and kowtow
It won't be long now
Track Name: When Your Number's Up
When Your Number's Up

When your number's up
You jump on the dance floor, ready to rock

When your number's up
The lottery jackpot check is on the way

When your number's up
You know just who to keep pandering to

When your number's up
Shake the thermometer, then climb back in bed

When your number's up
There's no need to have a hit show as your lead-in

When your number's up
Sold! To the man with the turquoise necktie

When your number's up
Advance three spaces and roll again

When your number's up
"Ralph from Brooklyn, you're on the air"

When your number's up
The proud new papa presses his face against the glass

When your number's up
You start to think maybe Dr. Oz is on to something

When your number's up
All that studying doesn't seem like such a bummer

When your number's up
Put down the Snapchat, the dentist will see you now

When your number's up
The maitre d’ will show you to your table

When your number's up
Blow out all those candles on your cake

When your number's up
The dealer slides a pile of chips in your direction

When your number's up
Go get that cheesecake you've had your eyes on

When your number's up
NASDAQ is the sweetest sound you've ever heard

When your number's up
You're dead
Track Name: You Get By
You Get By

You're the greatest at everything you do
and even a few you don't
I'm determined to be a big success
though the clock hints I won't
Each giant step I trip on
becomes a bigger crutch
But you, not so much

It's abundantly clear I'm inferior
in every single way
You take a giant bite of life
and I have tooth decay
The way I fumble blindly
means I've lost the touch
But you, not so much

You get by so calm, cool and collected
You get by without breaking a sweat
You rely on confidence and ego
You play a soaring solo while I just sit and fret

I've got the skills, I've got the smarts, I've got the experience
but the temper in my temperament knocks down every fighting chance
What's the secret to your method of living uncompromised?
Is it that you hardly care at all
while my concern is super-sized?

If it sounds like I'm supremely jealous,
it's because I am
I know the trait is unbecoming
but I don't give a damn
I won't let up until I've got the answer in my clutch
But you, not so much

You get by and don't ruffle a feather
You get by without even a nudge
You defy every prediction
You skate through life so gracefully and I get stuck in sludge

Well guess what?

You'll get by but I'll be right behind you
You'll get by while I ride your wake
You can try to draw a distinction
but from now on I'm gonna be a shadow you can't shake
Track Name: Nothing But a Soul
Nothing But a Soul

Pardon me, a part of me is reaching for release
The entire mass of me is asking for decrease

My left thumb said "See ya', chum" and hit the road in hitchhike mode
The rest of my fingers chose not to linger and took a turn at being a fern

Five pints of blood said "Later, bud!" then fortified and oxidized some facial mud
A ribcage and a couple of bones headed for the jungle as a xylophone

One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul

My brain went insane from the strain of pain and took a plunge as a car wash sponge
Twenty-seven hairs that made up a curl flocked to the locks of a newborn girl

Several organs and a gland got a job as a billboard ampersand
An elbow turned to macaroni
My ponytail just joined a pony

One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul

When you pin a reincarnation on the lapel of a flesh tuxedo,
what is left feels overdressed,
and "Let's split" becomes its common credo

Beauty marks, freckles, and some warts became the imperfections in a piece of quartz
Some cartilage and a ligament replaced the guard wires in an army tent

Testes and their penis bestie made a foray to play croquet
The eyelids said "This is lame" and turned into the shells in a shell game

One week ago I was a whole
now I'm nothing but a soul
Track Name: What's On Your Plate
What's On Your Plate

What's on your plate?
How full is your life?
Do you have a 5-course feast ahead
or an idle fork and knife?
If you hunger for some more
do all that you can to create
what's on your plate

What's on your plate?
What busies your brain?
Is it a delicate souffle
or a crushed-up candy cane?
Give your head and gut a break,
take some time to masticate
what's on your plate

Life is fleeting
so we gulp down food for thought
Slower eating
gives us all a chance to chew
on the things we need to do
Swallow all your pride so
in your throat it won't get caught

If you find your
eyes are bigger than your mouth
just decline to
pile extra helpings on
Leave some for the woebegone
Work can help divert
a sour mood from going south

What's on your plate?
How finished are you?
Is your goose already cooked
or could it use a year or two?
That bad taste on your tongue could mean
you didn't check the expiration date
of what's on your plate
Track Name: The Popcorn Tree
The Popcorn Tree

Let's neck near a nook in the storybook of the popcorn tree
We'll nap near a knot, once a lookout spot to protect Club Glee

There’s a kernel of truth of a fountain of youth at the popcorn tree
So come lay on the ground with a crunching sound for infinity

The grass grows green to fluffy yellow
Can there be any greater sight or smello?

Popcorn tree
Me and thee
Popcorn tree

What more can I do to butter you up?

The wee kernels grow and in spring finally show their presence
On the hottest day near the end of May they pop into pleasance

Let’s bunk near the trunk ‘til we’re sugar-drunk at the popcorn tree
We’ll laze on the maize in a happy haze-filled recipe

The grass grows green to fluffy yellow
Can there be any greater sight or smello?

Popcorn tree
Me and thee
Popcorn tree

What more can I do to butter you up?
Track Name: A Million Feet Tall
A Million Feet Tall

Look out, look out below

I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)

I'm trying to dance
but sneaking a glance
I don't domino most of the Great Wall

When doing a waltz
the air traffic halts
In fact I can't get down unless I crawl

I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)

I'm doing a jig
but I am so big
they can feel my moves in the next port of call

My two-step is wide
and a Cuban slide
would glide the whole length of America's Mall

Look out, look out below

You better watch my step

I got legs and I know how to use them

189.393939 miles high

Look out, look out below

I'm movin' on up

I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)

I never have leapt
and my one quickstep
is the equivalent of one trillion of y'all

I once did ballet
way back in the day
Every pirouette increased the urban sprawl

I could boogaloo
but if I were you,
jump on the next jet and head up to Nepal

If I did a tap
get all set to clap
A tsunami will precede my curtain call

I'm a million feet tall
(He's a million feet tall)
Track Name: Whatever Keeps You Honest
Whatever Keeps You Honest

Religion doesn't work for me
I think it's a crock
Centuries of enemies
use it as their chopping block
It causes war and death and hate
all in the name of love and peace
So I applaud all those of faith
who do good and feel sweet release

Whatever keeps you honest

Drinking doesn't float my boat
I just get tipsy
Thankfully it's not for me
or I might owe apologies
It leads to pain and liver damage
in the guise of partying
But some use it to loosen lips
when the tension's hardening

Whatever keeps you honest

Life's a moral free-for-all
We pick sides on a hunch
It's a left-right flurry of contradictions
ending with a sucker punch

Chasing wealth just turns me off
It's an endless fight
The more your greed, the more you need
Gluttony's an ugly sight
Trading scruples for more rubles
earns a soul for squandering
Yet it is tragic, plus some magic
if they're caught money laundering

Whatever keeps you honest
Track Name: Results

The horse on the run
in the desert sun
The comet did come
and burned everyone
The stars don't care
if the planets won

The blood in the vein
headed for the drain
It flows to the pain
with thanks to the brain
The scars don't care
when the bleeding comes

The road split the hill
near the oil spill
It broke all the will
of who foot the bill
The cars don't care
where the drilling's done

Some delay them
Some betray them
Some obey them
Praise results

Some decide them
Some deride them
Some abide them
They exult